i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
