Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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