Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
