I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
