So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
