well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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