I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
