i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
