did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
