He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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