Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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