i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
