Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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