ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
