I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
