Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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