But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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