allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
