I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
