i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
