Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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