I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
