I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I need moral support for this bender
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
