Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
