so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
