Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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