If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
