you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
pray to the hookup gods
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
