I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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