I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
