WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
