it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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