i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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