VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
