Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
