sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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