Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
