I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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