Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
