I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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