Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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