Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
