They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
