so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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