You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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