everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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