Dual....:-)
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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