thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
