Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
