I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
