But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
