I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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