He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
