Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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