Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
