apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
