im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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