Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
