Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
