You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
