gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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