So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize