Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
