I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
