Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
