But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
