So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
