We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
