you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
