you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
