garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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