Nicole vs. Life
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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