where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
