Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
