I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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