If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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