He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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