3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
is that a dick in a sweater?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
